In A Rut

I've fallen and I can't get up . . . or rather out . . . of this rut I fell into yesterday. I'd planned, after all the evening activities, to get issue 87 of the serial finished, but by the time we got home, showers, laundry, packed lunches, etc, it was 10 pm. Ughhh! I was so exhausted I went to be without even turning on the computer. Now I'm disgusted with myself.

Today I'm still dragging, undiciplined, and indecisive. To top it all off, hubby mentioned that I might have to go back to work full-time if the part-time work dissolves which it looks like it may. I stood my ground though and said, "there is no way in hell I'm going back to work full-time. I almost had a stroke last fall and I'm not going to put myself or the kids in that exhaustive situation again. I don't care if I have to bleed every penny from my retirement accounts, I'm not going back to work full-time! We'll have to find another way." Do you think he got the picture?

I did put my application into the public school system for a Secretary and a Teacher Assistant position. If I can have the same school days off as the kids (well, most of them anyway) and if I can have my summers free, then I might consider it. Otherwise, no way in hell.

Another teacher at my kids' school suggested that I put my application in there. It is a charter school and not part of the public school system. On the surface it sounds like the perfect idea but thankfully I did alot of thinking and decided against it. The reason being - my commutes to and from work are the only alone/down time I have in my crazy life. If I have to commute with the kids to and from work, I'd probably loose my sanity. I'm unwilling to compromise at this early stage.

I went to the post office and mailed my short story entry. I also put my bid out on one of those lovely services on yesterday's auction for the JDRF. I hope I win!

I did have tonight off from any activity, but now B1 has batting practice. Damn it all! A friend's daughter is playing at the softball fields so I suppose I'll mosey across the parking lot and watch a bit of it. How pathetic is that? I plan to watch a softball game and none of my girls are even on the team.

I plan to finish issue 87 tonight. Please send well-wishes my way.

BK