Something to Ponder. . . .

I’ve solved the problem of being pulled in too many conflicting directions. I also wonder what other aspects of my life curtail my creativity. In business, we call this the 80/20 rule, meaning there are a few large problems which impact 20% of the business or 20% of the bottom line. I think I’ve solved the 20% issue and now must dig deeper to see what else keeps me from achieving my goals. There are certain “givens” I cannot change – the children’s activities, taking care of the house, etc. Well, perhaps I need to define my goals. I have no career goals now (not that I ever did) so I’ll just focus on my writing goals now.

First Pass:

1. Finish the serial by February 2005. It is a historical piece so it can’t keep going on forever.
2. Pitch another serial for the Suspense Genre of Keep It Coming. (March 2005)
3. Finish first draft of novel (mid March 2005)
4. Get first edit completed on novel (mid April 2005)
5. Get novel out to readers (April 2005)
6. Re-edit novel (June 2005)
7. Query novel (July 2005)
8. Rework Blood on an Appalachian Sunset into a YA novel (Sept 2004)
9. Query YA novel (October 2004)
10. Write 1 Short Story per Month
11. Get 2 interviews for Keep It Flowing Poetry Column
12. Write Poetry as inspiration hits (or in my case – slaps).
13. Non-writing – learn how to use the weed-wacker without blowing up the engine.

I think that is about all I can accomplish with other life factors.

I went through my submissions and put an estimated notification date on my sub tracker. It is truly amazing what publishers try to get away with, when you start reading the very small print. Anyhow, if I don’t hear anything by the first of the year, I’ll consider them rejected and submit elsewhere.

I love this time of year. My husband is a Chimney Sweep and due to an old contract, I have a large supply of Dura-logs at my disposal. I’ve had a fire in the FP for three nights now. One of my favorite times is after the kids go to bed, hubby is out of town and I sit in front of the fire with my notebook or a book to read. It is so easy to lose track of time.

I’m really looking forward to 2005. . . .

BK

Relatedness. . . .

I’ve been analyzing my relationships with friends. I’ve come to the decision I must withdrawal from the drama and the pettiness I sometimes get pulled into. I need to distance myself from those who feed on it and surround myself with those who also keep a safe space.

I will keep my mouth shut, my ears open, and my intuition in overdrive in order to seek the true meaning of the words that are spoken to me. No one is an island, but I do try. I have no friends I can call my own. There are people who I consider friends that I know through the children’s sports and friends from previous jobs, but no one other than my husband who has known me before I moved south; hence, the title of this blog – relatedness.

This will not be easy. I’m already labeled the brooding artist and people who don’t know me see me as aloof and unapproachable. Others, who know me but disagree with what I stand for, call me a bitch (but not while I’m around). But I’m okay with that, because they have their opinion and sometimes I am.

People who know me also know that I’m there whenever they need me and I can be trusted. Isn’t that really all that matters?

I want to visit Brandon in the hospital next week. His surgery was Monday and I heard Tuesday that he was still on the breathing machine – but the doctors expected this. I’ll wait a bit. I try to get information on him through mutual friends as I’m sure his mom and dad are tired of rehashing his condition to everyone. I hope they don’t see this as a lack of concern. It is hard though as Brandon is only two years older than my oldest son. His mom is being strong but what choice does she have? You can’t just break down during times like these. There will be time for that when Brandon recovers.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions.

I finished Issue 26 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and sent it off to the editor this morning. The word count of Blood is now over 50K and my novel is only 55K. This kind of shows me where my priority is. I’m not fretting now though, because in less than two weeks, I will be a full time writer – in between cleaning five years of clutter out of my house.

I figure I can take one room per day and just clean out everything that we’ve not touched in years. I know one of the drawers in the china cabinet has warranty information for appliances and toys that have long since died or been donated to Goodwill.

I need to re-arrange my bookcase in my office. There is still fish-tank-cleaning items on top (the fish died two years ago when we lost electricity for four days during an ice storm) and I need to get rid of move some of the pictures to make more room for my ever-expanding book collection.

There isn’t a lot going on at work and my hope to leave before my two weeks was dashed this morning when a plan I set in motion backfired and now we are back to square one.

I’ve added the banner for the new KIC magazine to my blog. It didn’t take me as long as I expected but for some reason, it didn’t show up when I looked at it last night. But it is there now.

Today I plan to finish Issue 27 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and be on time to my Parent Teachers conferences this evening.

BK

Courage. . .

Many have commented on my courage as I leave the corporate world. My husband, who once gave his support, now voices his concern with my choice. I cannot blame him, as the financial burden of the family rests entirely on his shoulders.

On a brighter note, I have no bad feelings about this. I can feel when something dark and foreboding is looming on the horizon and to be honest, I feel more relieved than anything else. Well, maybe it is tinged with a little guilt for my husband. We’ll make it; we just have to tighten the purse strings a bit. I’ll already save $320.00 / week on childcare and house cleaning.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions.

I have a rough draft of Issue 26 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset completed and I only need to type and edit it, which should be completed today. There are NO activities tonight for any of the kids.

My goal in November is to create a new vision for myself. I need to revise my goals and expectations. Now just getting through the day is all I can do. I want to clean out the clutter, physically, mentally and emotionally. I want to get organized, develop a routine, and spend time doing the things I want to do.

I have an online resume to Borders Bookstore. I talked to the manager today who said I might be able to work 2 days per week there. It won’t be much money (especially when compared to what I’m making now), but it is something. I also applied for a part time Tutor position at the school, but I’ve never had much luck with them.

It will work out. . . It always does!

BK

Traveling. . .

The wheels are in motion. One door closes while other one presents itself. One journey ends, another begins and there is no turning back. It is a time of movement and change. Do I struggle and plan every detail or do I relax and enjoy the adventure and grow from the experience?

I gave my notice at my day job today. I feel both liberated and scared. Yes, I “stuck it to the man”, “gave the bird to middle management,” and all of those other clichés. Yet, I always worked a day job, ever since I was fourteen and the very idea of not having to go to work everyday scares me, not to mention I have a dire fear of living in poverty.

My husband is supportive. I will take the children out of their after-school care and will now have to clean my own house. Stay at home mom! I like it. I’ve sent out some resumes for part-time work, but only during the hours of 8:30 and 2:30. I have to pick up the kids everyday by 3:15 pm.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions. I will finish Issue 26 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset tonight and start on Issue 27 tomorrow.

I believe it will be a good writing week!

BK

Living in my illusion. . . .

I’ve found that my “day-to-day” gets in the way of what I truly want to achieve. What is it that I want to achieve? Well, I want to become one of those authors who stand the test of time. I want to have my work critiqued, analyzed, and anthologized long after I’ve taken my last breath. I don’t want wealth, nor do I seek global fame. I want to be respected among my peers.

I spent all weekend at the ball field and lost all focus on what I am really about. I am not about competition and winning. I’m not about living vicariously through my children. But when my seven year old is part of a team that fights back through 3 games in one day and win a county championship, I couldn’t help but get caught up in all the excitement. I yelled at the umpire for some really bad calls and yelled at her again when the parents on the other team made my baby cry. She held it together to make the last out for her team. We were all a mess with emotions and headaches, and I’m still shaking today. Needless to say, there was no writing done this weekend nor was there any laundry done, or any meals cooked the entire weekend.

My other daughter’s team came in second in her tournament. Everyone was a winner this weekend. My husband had taken her to another field but we were in contact with cell phones. She had 3 games on Saturday and 3 games on Sunday. She played excellent and made all three outs in one inning of a championship game. The other team is getting ready to move up in age brackets and what we call "trophy chasers" because they stay down in a lower age group despite their physical size and experience. Second place to a team like that is a championship in my book.

And in case I didn't mention this is an ealier blog, my six-year-old's team won the coach-pitch baseball tournament and took first place for the season. My eleven-year-old's team won the little league season and they beat all the other teams so badly, there was no tournament.

I’m left with the agonizing purge of this negativity. I’m drinking water today to purge my body of all the fast-food I had to eat and trying to rid my mind of the trauma we went through this weekend. I am nowhere close to getting back to my truth. It will take days.

It seems like tragedy is all around me, affecting the people I care about. My friend’s son is scheduled for brain surgery today at 12:30. The grandmother of a cyber-friend is also gravely ill. I fear for what will happen next and my hands won’t stop shaking.

Emerging Women Writers will publish two poems of mine in their November Issue: Daydreams and There Are Times. There Are Times was my very first poem and I’m glad others will get to read it.

The Balancing Act is now published in Issue 24 of Zygote in my Coffee. Here is the outstanding Submissions:

1 poem to Skyline Publishing (submitted 8/20/04)
1 SS to Bellevue Literary Review (submitted 8/25/04)
3 poems to Wildchild Publishing (submitted 9/9/04 (1) and 9/27/04 (2))
2 poems to Slowtrains (submitted 9/14/04(2) and 9/27/04 (1))
1 SS to Paradox Magazine (submitted 9/16/04)
2 poems to StorySouth (submitted 9/27/04)
2 poems to Ascent Magazine (submitted 9/28/04)
4 poems to Drunken Boat 9 (submitted 9/28/04)
1 SS to Glimmertrain (submitted 10/1/04)
1 SS to Solander (submitted 10/4/04)
1 SS to Mid-South Review (submitted 10/14/04)
1 SS to Copperfield (submitted 10/20/04)
1 SS to Wildchild Publishing (submitted 10/20/04)
1 poem to Zygote In My Coffee (submitted 10/24/04)

Perhaps I’ll hear something about them this week.

I need to complete Issues 26, 27, and 28 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset this week. Issues 26 and 27 will close out the year 1861 and Issue 28 will begin in the spring of 1862. I should get them completed because the children have NO activities this week.

Wahoo!

A Mixed Bag

The adventure, knowing there is a path to travel. Hesitation and fear of the unknown keeps the traveler from straying too far. There is one guarantee – danger. The traveler may not make it to the end of the path. (I know there’s a poem there somewhere.)

My husband asked me about two of the books I purchased yesterday – one was a huge book on Kabbalah and the other was about the lost verses by the Bible. I really don’t look at these pieces for a change in my beliefs or “a new radical me”. I read them for the history but if I more out of it, then it only adds to my growth. I do realize that the books contained in the Bible were scrutinized by Constantine and his religious order centuries ago. Perhaps they missed something. My hubby also questioned me when he found me reading several books on Buddhism awhile back. Poor guy! I won’t even get into the time when he opened up a UPS box and found two sets of Tarot cards.

I also bought The Art of the Interview by Lawrence Grobel (I’m not sure why) and Dictionary of Poetic Terms by Jack Elliot Myers. Who knows when I’ll have time to read them. I have no room on the bookshelf. I’d like to donate some of the children’s books that they no longer read, but I have my future grandchildren to think about.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions. A writer friend has a new story out, Sergeant of Drummers, published at Bygone Days. It is an excellent piece of historical fiction.

I know what Issue 25 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset will be about. I will do two or three more issues of 1861 before I move onto 1862. I’ll probably get it drafted this afternoon and edited tonight while I watch a ball game.

My goal this weekend is to get Issues 26 and 27 out to the editor. This will be in between two softball tournaments. I’ll get it done or most of it anyway.

I went off like a screaming lunatic on my first grade son this morning – and rightfully so! He has refused to do his homework all week long. Ah, but it is my responsibility to make sure his homework is done. I pay every week for after-school care which has homework time, which HE needs to utilize instead of drawing cars on copier paper. I don’t get home until after eight o’clock in the evening and then there’s too much going on. It is HIS responsibility. This rant should be in Suburban Mom Diaries, but I’ve put that blog on hold until I can get caught up with everything else.

Oh, yes the plan is still on to have a conversation with my manager about cutting my hours. I just need to work up the nerve.

BK

Seeing Double

My blood-streaked eyes burn and itch and I could fall asleep right here at my desk. In my head lingers a dull fatigued pain which will erupt into a full-blown migraine the moment the Excedrin wears off. I can’t focus and the bile creeps up my throat.

I’ve spent too much time number-crunching today – rows of numbers 50 columns wide and over 7000 rows long, multiple worksheets contained in the same file putting a spin on the numbers that would make Enron cringe - indexing, v-lookups, mid-lookups, concatenations, merging, cutting, pasting, sums, averages, if statements, trim, . .AHHHHH!

My heart tells me to begin this transformation, and just when I think I have the courage to let go, my old insecurities and distrust creep back in. I believe it’s baggage from my childhood – I learned at a very young age that I had to work my ass off in order to have anything. Perhaps if I keep trudging up the hill everyday, one day I’ll just tumble over the other side. My husband is uncharacteristically supportive of this move but he’s probably just tired of listening to me whine and bitch. Let’s see, I started this job on 9/20 it is now 10/21 – I do believe his bitch threshold is 30 days! Actually he has been a gem for putting up with me lately. I guess my biggest fear is lack of company paid health insurance.

I left at lunch even though I shouldn’t have, and drove to Books A Million. I walked the aisles and browsed leisurely, secretly hoping I’d open a book and it would just swallow me whole. I ended up buying five and the only one I can remember is the 11th book of the Lemony Snicket Series which is for the kids (*ahem*).

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions. I sent a polite follow-up to SD Totaro about my three poetry submissions to WCP. I’ll give her a few days and submit them elsewhere. I submitted another short piece to WCP Fiction. Their fiction editor is awesome.

I need to rough draft Issue 25 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset. I can probably get to it tonight after everyone goes to bed. I have a parent meeting at the school regarding the school ski trip and it is mandatory. Blah, blah, blah!

Nothingness. . .

Nothingness. . .

Today is one of those days. I have nothing to hold onto, no sense of direction, and not even a hint of what possibilities might lie ahead. It is not a complete waste of oxygen, but I’m not far from it. I still plan to ask for a decrease in hours or give my notice at my day job– but not today.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions and I’m really starting to get annoyed – every time I check the mailbox, there is nothing, every time I check email, there is nothing and every time I log onto a site to check my online submissions, there is nothing.

I submitted my final draft of Keep It Flowing, my poetry column for the new KIC Magazine due out in February. I think it reads okay, but I don’t have the final say.

I finished Issue 24 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and sent it off to the editor. I lost track of what issue I was writing and yesterday I wrote in my blog that I was working on Issue 25. I suppose yesterday was also a waste of oxygen.

I made a few changes to my website and posted the Zygote In My Coffee link – with a disclaimer and a warning. I volunteered to be a reader for KIC short story submissions. I really like editing and I believe when I read and critique the prose of others, it makes me a better writer. I’ll have to wait and see if I am chosen.

I’m waiting to see if Molly O’Brien wins the Editors Choice Award for October at Wildchild Publishing. There are many great pieces in this months issue, namely Horsewomen of the Apocalypse, by Eva Schegulla and Avonne Thompson. The Itch by Sam Swannack is also very good.

I cleaned out my writing bag. It was a complete disaster and was getting very heavy. I just rearranged it but tossed very few of the contents really, so any difference in the weight is purely psychological.

My goal for today is a rough draft of Issue 25 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset. I may get it completed tonight, but I’m shooting for a rough draft only.

Richard Curtis is doing an article series at a forum I frequent. Here is my response to Part II:

Your history on the rise of the paperback is very informative. I do question the quality of the books when the market was at its peak. Most of those books are long forgotten and rightfully so.

The print media market is driven by public demand and must compete with other media that provides instant gratification - i.e. video games, music, and digital television. As with any production, the trend is lean and one day the technology will enable publishers to sell smaller book run sizes at a profit. I believe it is termed "Low Volume High Mix". But until the Publishing culture changes, they will continue to face financial crisis. Expecting high ROI as they did in the 1980's and 1990's is unrealistic and out of touch with today's market trends.

I'm of the belief that authors need to seek out more opportunities than mainstream publications. Whether we want to believe it or not, one trend is in e-publishing, e-zines, anthing e-, and MJ Rose is one example of success. But again, as this market grows, it becomes rigid and layered and open only to a few.

I'm of the Wayne Gretzsky philosphy: I don't go where the puck is, I go where I think it's going to be.

BK

I thought it sounded okay, but who knows. I do believe the publishing industry needs a “wake up” call but we authors haven’t done much to help their situations. I tend to forge my own path down the e-publishing route in parallel with the traditional route. Perhaps somewhere, off in the horizon, my dual paths eventually meet.

BK

Courage, Control, and Letting Go. . . .

I’ve lived in the left-brained corporate culture for too long. I’ve been conditioned to believe I must have corporate paid health benefits, 401K, profit sharing, and that companies actually care about the people who dedicate 8-12 hours a day of their lives to them. I’ve bought into myth that I must have a big house in the suburbs, I can work full-time and be the best mom ever, I must vacation every year in a tropical paradise and I can make an appearance at three birthday parties at the same time.

WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THESE YEARS?! That is the biggest line of bullshit I’ve ever heard. What’s wrong with a medium sized-house, average kids and a car that’s paid for? It is like the “light bulb came on” or I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass. I’d like to say goodbye to the corporate world today, but that would be a little irresponsible (I haven’t went completely over the edge). More to come on this as proper planning is required.

I haven’t heard anything new on any of my submissions. I beginning to think I never will.

I completed Issue 24 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset yesterday and sent it off to the editor. I have about 200 words for Issue 25 and should get it written, edited and sent off tonight. So far I’m on track to write an issue every day. I edited (with many thanks to my cyber writing pals) Keep It Flowing – a new quarterly poetry column for Keep It Coming Magazine. I’m pleased with it.

I’m playing with the idea of getting my first novel out of mothballs and pitching it as a serial. I will do this after Blood on an Appalachian Sunset reaches its conclusion (in about six months). It would be considered a suspense piece, and there are already 12 suspense serials out there. I don’t need to be too rambunctious anyway, that’s what got me behind in the first place.

Anyhow, I’ll be sure to update the blog when I work up the courage, gain control of what is mine, and let go of excess baggage.

I feel split. . . .

Perhaps it is my conditioning to our culture. I am not one person but more like a crowd. There is wife, mother, employee, me and whoever else society defines I should be. I am oversimplifying this a little, for each “one” of me has many different roles and functions to perform.

I hope to hear something from some of my submissions this week.

My goal today is to finish Issue 23 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and send it off to the editor. I have the story in my head, but getting it on paper is not as easy.

My day job is not getting any easier. It isn’t difficult by any means, but I just don’t have time for it. I went through Friday folders last night and the children have a lot of activities and conferences which demand my attention. My oldest son is trying out for the basketball team and I’m sure he’ll make it. That means I’ll have to arrange transportation to and from practices. That’s another role I’ll file under mother.

I was away from the house for most of the weekend and when I was there, I was buried in dirty laundry. I’ve been so behind and my housekeeper graciously did a few loads for me just so she could clean the basement. I was so embarrassed.

I haven’t been able to spend as much time at my writers’ forum either. That’s a whole other withdrawal. File that one under “me”. I did post my Poetry Column for critique. There are so many brilliant poets there and I’m sure I’ll get some valuable feedback.

I need to update my website with my two new publishing credits. The Editor was most enthusiastic – or maybe he was just stoned.

I suppose all writers, especially fiction writers, are schizophrenic in some way. We go through life making up stories, listening to character chatter all day long and retreat to ourselves to write. Yes we are eccentric and yes we can be selfish at times, but hey, I have no apologies.

BK

Setting Goals. . . .

My schedule is out of control and I must to something to fix it. I need to set priorities both with my writing and other aspects of my day. By accepting the chaos and realizing it is only temporary, perhaps it will evolve into something new and more manageable.

I only two issues ahead of my subscribers of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset. Right now, my main goal each week is to write five issues of Blood. Everything else is on hold until I get caught up.

I sent my first draft of my new Poetry Column to the editor at KIC. She acknowledged receiving it and said she’d been filing all the columns. I need to take one more look at it before I let it go and hope for the best.

I received an Acceptance from Zygote In My Coffee for two poems: The Player (Issue 25) and Balancing Act (Issue 24 due out Oct 25th). The venue is a little more risqué for my taste but I can write some pretty intense stuff. “Roses are red, violets are blue, . . .” is really not my cup of tea.

My outstanding submissions are:

2 poems to Ascent Magazine
1 short story to Bellevue Literary Review
4 poems to Drunken Boat
2 poems to Emerging Women Writers
1 short story Glimmertrain
1 short story to Mid-South Review
1 short story to Paradox
1 poem to Skyline Publishing
3 poems to Slowtrains
2 poems to Storysouth
3 poems to Wildchild Publishing.

I’d love to work on some new stuff but I must meet my commitments before I start anything new.


BK

Going with the flow. . . .

Yesterday, I didn’t post. I didn’t have time but I didn’t fret about it. Yesterday was one of those days where I just went with the flow – no conflict, no negative energy – I just existed. It turned out to be one of my better days.

I received a rejection for Nantahala Magazine for one of my short stories. Perhaps I’m reading too much into rejections but I received it 10/14 which was a really bad day for me (see www.suburbanmomdiaries.blogspot.com the “I Called Bullshit” post). Normally after a bad day, a rejection would have sent me into tears. Here is what the editor said:

Ms. Birch,Your story is very powerful and shows a dedication to historical accuracy. On the other hand, it does not quite fit Nantahala Review. I would encourage you to send us other stories in the future, particularly if they are out of the historical fiction box. Thank you for considering us, and I hope to hear from you sometime in the future. Fiction Editor

Actually this is good news to me. It tells me my writing can move people and my meticulous research to ensure historical accuracy has paid off, but I need to focus more on contemporary works. I submitted the same short story to Mid-Atlantic Review last night.

I have a first draft of Issue 21 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset written and the next issue stewing in my head. I hope to get Issue 21 to the editor at KIC today, and Issues 22 and 23 out this weekend.

I’ve decided to put my novel on hold until the first of the year. I can’t focus on it until the Serial is completed. It is a historical piece so I’ll finish at about 100k words. I’ve fretted over this for too long and perhaps it’s just my “going with the flow” mood but that’s my decision, for now. I might do a “contemporary” short story or two.

I have some ideas for the poetry column and I need to get the first column written. I also need to finish the radio interview sheet and get it back to KIC. I’m on ArtistFirst Radio show Dec 7th.

Busy, busy, busy- but “going with the flow”.

Totality. . .

Today was a day I came to terms with my situation. I dressed for work in jeans as I did not plan to spend the entire day there. I was going to march in to my manager’s office, explain my plight with my biggest doe eyes, beg for her forgiveness because I wasted her time and give my notice.

It did not go off as I expected. First I called the unemployment office to ask about my unemployment claim. It is still open however, if I resign voluntarily I will forfeit any rights to my claim. I needed to be terminated. I have never been fired from any job and even though I contemplated putting my bitch on and seeing it through, my work ethic and sense of decency would not allow me to do it.

I’m not giving up, but more or less biding my time. I’ll probably ask for a decrease in work hours after I decide whether or not I can handle the job in less time. I sure as heck ain’t working at that place free of charge.

I did complete a few tasks today and I didn’t throw up my lunch. I suppose that is a sign it is getting better.

I finished Issue 20 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset today and sent it off to the editor. I’ve jotted down a few ideas for the KIC Magazine poetry column. The first issue is Valentines Day but I assure you I won’t start with some sappy poem.

I sent a short story to Nantahala, which is a review of writing and photography in the Appalachians. I also sent in a photograph. We’ll see what happens.

A post on a Writer’s Forum really got me thinking. It was about the self-doubt we writers sometimes have about our work. We really are an isolated lot and find little validation in the left-brained world which for the most part, covets the quick thrill and instant gratification.

I’ve always separated myself from the mainstream – I rarely get involved in politics, I rarely watch television, prefer Vivaldi, movie soundtracks, and classic literature to pop culture.

I am most complete when I am writing. I often question if I am a good wife, mother, and employee and if I’ll ever get the publishing deal all writers desire. But I rarely question my words, my stories, or my desire to write.

BK

Suppression. . .

What a wonderful weekend. We visited our nation’s Capitol and it was very nice. We walked and walked and walked, yet only saw a small portion of the area. We walked by the White House, Washington Monument, went inside two of the Smithsonian buildings, strolled by the Capitol and toured the National Archives. This was my kids’ first experience with the Metro and they really had a good time.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions:

2 poems to Ascent Magazine
1 short story to Bellevue Literary
2 poems to Crush Magazine
4 poems to Drunken Boat
2 poems to Emerging Women Writers
1 short story to Solander
1 short story to Glimmertrain
1 short story to Paradox
1 poem to Skyline Publishing
3 poems to Slow Trains
2 poems to StorySouth
3 poems to Wildchild Publishing
2 poems to Zygote In My Coffee

I received 1 rejection from Gettysburg Review.

I finished Issue 19 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset but I’m really behind. Ball season is winding down so perhaps I’ll get some time to write.

I did get some good news! KIC Magazine is debuting in February 2005 and the editor has granted me the Poetry Column. I wasn’t her first choice, but I got it anyway and now I just have to write a column that will impress her. I’ve read quite a bit and I hope to have some interviews with some contemporary poets.

All of this elation over the progress I’ve made in my writing has been dampened by the shackles which hold me to the left brained corporate world. I suppose I’m lucky to have this job but I can’t help but feel rushed and less than 100% on anything I do. I’ve sent my resume off to a temp agency in hopes they can find something for me with the hours of 8:30 am to 2:30 pm; working these hours still qualifies me for full-time employee status. I’m working up the courage to ask my supervisor to cut back my hours where I’m currently working.

The truth is, I can’t keep up with my serials and I want them to be quality, my novel languishes at about 55k words and will need an edit before I even query, and short story ideas float around aimlessly in my head. I’m so tired of trying to solve this dilemma and frustrated that I haven’t found a solution. If I don’t find a healing outlet I may explode.

It is as though all my creativity and desires are forced into limbo somewhere, out of sight but linger in every thought. Soon they will affect my actions and influence my behavior.

I wish I had a suggestion box for anyone with any ideas. Until I do, please leave any suggestions with a comment.

BK

The Dream. . .

As a writer, I think I’ve found my niche, my way to contribute, my expression, my defining moment. But what happens when the “keepers of the gate” turn me away, reject my craft and I stand with my nose pressed against an invisible window watching others achieve what I so desperately desire. It is not fame or wealth I seek as I’ve never been narcissistic or materialistic. It is peer recognition I covet. Alas, the frustrated artist, dreaming the dream. Or am I a fool?

Unfortunately this is a business and writers hit the same glass ceiling as in any other avenue of business. We are subject to the task of job hunting (looking for an agent) same hiring scrutiny (submissions to editors), and the ultimate promotion or firing (publication or back to square 1). I see the odds of getting published about the same as winning the lottery, but at least I buy a ticket, so to speak.

I write because I want to. I believe in my heart that I’ll get published one day and that is what keeps me going.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions, other than Gettysburg Review. I submitted a short story to Glimmertain.

I sent Issue 19 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset off to the editor this morning. We are taking the family to Washington DC today, so this will be my last post until Monday. They are so excited. I am too because seven hours in the car will be a great opportunity to get some writing done.

I’ve made a decision that I cannot work full time at a high pressure job, run the kids everywhere, write and keep my sanity. My energy level is null and I’m constantly in a rush, unable to give any task my full attention. I plan to look into individual insurance plans and get something part-time while the kids are in school. At least that’s my plan. My debt-to-earnings ratio may say otherwise.

I hope to get issues 20 and 21 of Blood completed this weekend. My KIC contract is up for renewal and I’m renewing it. I adore the editor and plus there is a new KIC magazine in the works. Perhaps I can get involved somehow.

BK

Life is a celebration. . .

But I seem to have forgotten this because my “life” has gotten in the way. I search my past to find the point in time where I became too conditioned to the role society has placed on me. Was it right out of college? Was it after marriage? Was it after children?

I don’t believe any one of these events was the turning point, but rather the accumulation of life events has changed me. When was the last time I didn’t worry? When was the last time I wasn’t in a hurry? When was the last time I had absolutely nothing to do?

It’s been awhile.

I received a rejection from The Gettysburg Review yesterday. I was expecting the rejection but they still aren’t easy to accept. So, I sent the same story to Solander: The Magazine of the Historical Fiction Society, late last night. It is an EU publication and the story is about the American Civil War. They will probably reject the piece, but one never knows what is playing out in the mind of an editor.

I haven’t heard anything from the mountains of poetry on submission.

I have about 750 words for Issue 19 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset written in my notebook. I need to stop messing around and focus, and I made a promise to start today. This is what I want to do right? I’m happiest when I’m writing and we all want to be happy.

Well, off I go to be happy!

Time. . .

I have none to spare. I’ve written about this before but it seems the more I do the more I have to do. I spent most of the morning running report for work and working on the new look for my blog. It’s finally finished.

I’m going to DC for the weekend. My husband has his 20 year high school reunion this weekend and I must bring my small notebook as there must be a story here somewhere. He’ll probably be the only one bringing his first wife because most men of his age have moved on to a slew of girlfriends or they are on their second or third “trophy” wife. Thank goodness I haven’t aged too poorly, but I still don't have anything to wear.

The children are all excited about seeing the White House, Smithsonian, and all the other monuments. My daughter, a first grader, came home Friday and told me John Kerry lies. Now, I'm a conservative who wants little government intrusion in my life and the dream of forty acres and a bunker has entered my thoughts. But I was concerned when she said that. Here is the conversation:

"Where did you hear that?" I asked.

"Whitehouse.gov," she replied.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered.

I had to think for a minute.

"Do you know who lives in the White House?" I asked.

"George Dubya," she answered.

"Who is running for President?" I asked.

"George Dubya and John Kerry," she said.

"Do you think maybe Whitehouse.gov is slanted in favor of the man who lives there?" I asked.

"Maybe," she said and walked off to play her gameboy.

It makes me wonder whether she actually read this (I couldn't find anything on the site) or if she heard this from another adult or perhaps her father. I'm not a political person and I have problems with my daughter calling someone a liar without considering the impact of the word "liar". We had a loooong discussion about this.

I need to get at least two issues of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset off to the editor before I leave Thursday. If I do nothing else until then, I might get this done.

I haven’t heard anything from any of my submissions. I sent most of them from my web email just so I can check it at work. So far, nothing. I’m getting a little tired of the waiting game but what else can I do?

I now have permission to use the WCP logo and the EWW logo on my website. Now I’m just waiting for Bygone Days. They look pretty neat on my webpage.

Today, I will strive for harmony but I’m not sure how far I’ll get. I’ll force nothing – no action, no thoughts, no words. I’ll let it flow naturally from within. Too many times I am forced by outside influences to speak, act, or think. Perhaps my day will be less complicated if I just sit down, shut up, and observe. If nothing else, I’ll freak the kids out.

I Need Guidance. . . .

I lack focus and order. I’ve been flopping around like some fish out of water – flopping here, flopping there, flopping flopping everywhere. I need direction and need to get my act together.

I haven’t heard anything new from any of my submissions. My latest short story, Molly O’Brien is the featured short story on Wildchild Publishing www.wildchildpublishing.com. I really excited. I’ve never been a featured author anywhere.

Here is my submission list:

1 poem to Skyline Publishing 8/20/04
3 poems to Wildchild Publishing 9/7/04 and 9/27/04
3 poems to Slow Trains 9/14/04 and 9/27/04
2 poems to StorySouth 9/27/04
4 poems to Drunken Boat 9/28/04
2 poems to Ascent Magazine 9/28/04
2 poems to Emerging Women Writers 9/28/04
2 poems to Zygote in my Coffee 9/28/04
1 ss to Glimmertrain 10/1/04
1 ss to Bellevue Literary 8/25/04
1 ss to Paradox 9/16/04

My goals this week are to complete Issues 19, 20, and 21 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and edit Chapter 16 of my novel.

BK

A Day of Reflection. . .

The ideas and words for today’s blog were all thought out in my head. Now I can’t remember one word. I have some thoughts and opinions today, but I’ll keep most of them to myself.

A cyber-pal helped me fix my guestbook on my webpage. Thanks to him, I don’t have to worry about the darn thing anymore.

I pitched Suburban Mom Diaries to Mothering Magazine yesterday. I got a very professional and polite rejection:

Thank you so much for thinking of Mothering. We are so over booked at this time with material as we head into 2005 that we could not even consider adding serial pieces. However, if you would want to query us about submitting one article at a time, we would certainly consider that approach.

With
warm regards,
Ashisha

I realize it is still a rejection but there is hope in the fact that she would consider submitting one article at a time. I was so stunned, I wrote her back, thanked her for her time, and sent one of my “Parenting” poems because the magazine also accepts poetry. I haven’t heard back yet.

I don’t think I’ll be submitting articles to them anytime soon. I can barely keep up with the serial and my novel cries out for my attention.

I haven’t heard anything back from any of my submissions. Here’s to next week.

I have been meaning to download Skyline Magazine for ages and today I finally did it. I submitted some poetry, but it got rejected. I still have one outstanding submission that I haven’t heard from yet. Well, call it poet envy or whatever but I don’t think the poetry published there was all that stellar. In fact some of it was tired and a little corny. But poetry is so subjective and perhaps I’m being a little catty.

I want to complete Issue 19 of Blood on an Appalachian Sunset and send it off to the editor. I think I can get it done in between ball games and taking the boys shopping. I’ll need to plug in the Firelight and print what I have typed for Chapter 16 of my novel. For some reason the paper and the printer cartridges are cheaper here at work.

Go figure.